In addition, she may benefit from seeing positive relationships between her friends and their parents. My daughter hates me! Choosing something that interests your daughter signals to her that you are invested in spending time together. I grew up with a bipolar father, but with him the disease was on the periphery for me. I was not an abusive mother. Here are 4 ways to end up with a teen who hates you. My daughter was experiencing psychosis and that was extremely frightening for her, but also very upsetting for us. Write your daughter a letter of apology and attempt to make amends by promising to talk openly and honestly with her about her feelings. You are not alone in the pain of missing your previously warm connection with your daughter, but it can feel isolating to see other close parent-teenager relationships. She got the worst traits of both my husband and I. “Professionals perceive me as a pain. Validate your daughter's emotions to show her that you're willing to talk to her about the things that cause her to hate you. I see the tremendous load you carry picking up the pieces and holding things together for these children. Accepting the problem is an important step for you to take to deal with your daughter's emotions because this will allow you to see the problem more logically, rather than trying to deny it's there. It seems so foolish to utter those words, brandishing them in defiance; the scar of an old wound that refuses to heal. . Hello everyone..first of all and beforehand ,I m sorry if I have offended any mother in law's in this group, the mentally ill part is literally true in my case ,as she is under treatment for it. This situation seems intolerable. So sometimes, I don’t tell anyone when he hurts me, or the many, many times he scares me so bad, I don’t want to come home. I don’t know how to get her to like me. She is a straight-A student, a talented musician and singer, and loves school, but seems to despise her parents. Lastly, it is important for parents to feel supported in the formidable task of raising adolescents. This was a consistent complaint among daughters about their dads. I am 16 years old, me and my mom live with my grandparents because my mother lost her job. Teenagers can feel resentful if they believe they’re being forced into therapy, as if they are expected to “fix” the problem. When I psss her off its the end of the world and she leaves me bills to pay, while I am jobless mind you, but when my sibling makes her mad its all good. The fact that I brushed off early glimpses of my son’s excessive panic and anxiety, thinking: he’ll grow out of it. Megan Kelly started writing professionally in 2007 when she was published in the anthology, "Lit Kids: Mama Bird and the Electric Rabbit" through Mill City Press. If your daughter says that you spent too much time at work and never spent any time with her as a child, accept the past and apologize. she tells me she hates me and that I need therapy because I'm a horrible mom. Validate your daughter's emotions to show her that you're willing to talk to her about the things that cause her to hate you. As a parent, you raise your children to the best of your abilities, and the things you do have a significant influence on how they behave and act as adults. I have been in such agony for three years now. However, I cannot help but feel defensive, for I have faced the scrutiny of others. I have been sober for 18 years. For instance, you may designate one or more nights each week as “family dinner nights,” when everyone is expected to sit and eat together. I think it’s just me, which seriously hurts. Write about your flaws as you perceive them and how she perceives them, how her negative emotions make you feel and how you want to work toward building a better relationship with her in the future. It is sometimes difficult to think of the right thing to say when you're having a stressful conversation, so writing these things down in a logical order and giving them to your daughter may be a more effective way of showing your emotions and taking the initiative to mend your relationship. . I was not a monster but I was an alcoholic mother. She was doing well until last August. She lives at home with us and everyone walks on “pins and needles” in hopes that she doesn’t have an outburst. My relationship with my daughter has always been a struggle. You may be asking yourself, “I wonder why my teenager hates me. Thing is, my parents were both mentally I’ll too. Your daughter is mentally ill and has no insight about the impact of her behavior on her children and family. This was how my mother coped with all her past horrors, and it was ingrained upon us girls to always help others. I love my son. Your grandchildren and your daughter are blessed to have your fierce loyalty and protection. Kelly is pursuing her Bachelor of Arts in English literature from the University of Minnesota. Copyright © 2021 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved. "I live with a son who is mentally ill. Is my mother mentally ill or is she sane but just truly hates me? A family volunteer activity is another option that requires togetherness but with a designated purpose, making the time more structured. Don't try to play down the severity of your flaws; instead, take responsibility and accept the fact that your flaws may have caused your daughter to feel hatred or contempt for you. As teenagers become more confident in themselves and their place in the world, many come to appreciate the support of their parents. Hello, my name is Janna, and my daughter is mentally ill. Either stole from her and the two long lasting relationships were severe cases of domestic violence. She only comes out of her room to eat and shower. She has betrayed me many times since she was a young adult. You owe it to yourself (and your daughter) to find that kind of support during this time. I do not understand. Expert: Tori Cordiano, Ph.D. If you have recently come to the conclusion, “My daughter hates me,” there are a couple practices that will help bridge the gap. Even if you don't agree with what she's saying, telling her that her reality is true will help her take the next step toward repairing your relationship. Atleast from my … I am still grieving. Her father died in 2004 and since then it has become even more of a downhill struggle - for blame! I could never bear that. My granddaughter is 16 lives with her dad & partner has no contact with her mum (who is my daughter) hates her mother . I’ve tried to include her in things, ask her opinion, talk to her while driving, and continually tell her and show her how much we love her. When I wasn’t blaming myself, I blamed my husband. I thought there was something wrong with my daughter and that I would need to ramp up the discipline to whip her into shape. I just can’t get along with her. Show me a kid who struggles with mental illness, addiction and resulting legal problems and I will show you a mother who blames herself. Even if you don't agree with what she's saying, telling her that her reality is true will help her take the next step toward repairing your relationship. Your daughter may be more open to the idea if she is able to bring a friend along. This may be painful to bring up, but consistency in discussing feelings can help bring the two of you closer together and more clarity to you concerning what you need to do to make things right. And I am supporting her through it. It is so very difficult to live with the mentally ill.Even when my daughter takes her meds, she can be so angry and so mean.There are mentally ill people on her father's side and she actually looks a lot like them physically. He blamed me right back. You may also consider your daughter’s interests when planning other family activities. From this 30 year marriage, I now have a 33 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Bipolar also. She will not tell me what I am "guilty" of, just wants me out of her life. As our daughter matures, and believe me, I hate myself for saying this, please don't lambast me, it just is a logical fact, she's very physically unattractive. Follow. Individual therapy would allow your daughter a neutral space to work out her difficulties with the relationship and could incorporate family sessions or parent sessions as needed. My daughter was always so clingy with me, enjoyed doing things together, and was very affectionate. The relationship between the parents of mentally ill children and hospital staff can be fraught. She has a psychiatrist that has been trying to get her back onto medication and out of her current bout of psychosis. She was raped as a child and teenager. I am so confused how this happened. But he terrifies me," she wrote. The last three years have been the most difficult times I’ve experienced in my life. and We Miss Them. That support can come from a partner, trusted friends, an in-person or online community of parents raising teens, or a therapist of your own. My daughter hates me! I genuinely believe his daughter hates me, and not just because I’m dating her dad—my boyfriend has brought an ex home in the past. stickaforkinme . Dr. Tori Cordiano is a clinical psychologist in Shaker Heights, Ohio, and Research Director of Laurel School’s Center for Research on Girls. 0 0. You might also consider a mother-daughter outing with one of your daughter’s friends and her mother. My mom is such a nice person and she lets him walk all over her, I just get so sad everyday. My daughter seemed to change overnight when she turned 13. The clinical term for this dangerously unfortunate symptom is anosognosia. Having an adult daughter who holds contempt for you is a difficult situation as a parent, but there are many things you can do to deal with the pain and work toward building a better relationship for the future. However, I never expected to find myself on the other end of the spear a few decades later, asking myself, “Why Does My Daughter Hate Me?” Honestly, I never thought I was the problem. My daughter hates me, and will not communicate with me. Morning Do you have books on my daughter hates me. I love to entertain and frankly, being a "do-gooder' is hard-wired in me and two of my three sisters. I’ve taken her to see a psychiatrist but that only made things worse. I keep my eyes wide open so I don’t do the same thing to my kids. She is 33, and lives near Chicago. My sister told me she hates, hates, hates her son, who is mentally ill and causing her and her husband a lot of grief. Though it sounds like your daughter was resistant to support in the past, you might frame it as necessary to finding better ways of communicating with each other. How To React When Your Teenager Says “I Hate You!”, Ask The Expert: My Teenage Daughter Won’t Leave Her Room, Q&A with Julie Lythcott-Haims: The Effects Of Overparenting, Why I’m Still Waiting at the Bus Stop with My Teenagers, Parenting My Teenager: I Pamper My Teenager And I’m Okay With It, We Are Parents of Teenagers . I’d hate to think my child grew up resenting me for a disability! My 19 year old daughter has very disturbing temper tantrums and they are getting worse. Your daughter may still warm toward you as she enters older adolescence. If your daughter decides that she wants to stop talking about the issues or isn't comfortable bringing up her emotions, ask her to talk to you after she has a chance to gather her thoughts and feels more comfortable. It’s my first thought when I awaken and my last thought at night. When I wouldn't return their calls (which was usually the case), they would drive by my house to see if … The letter you always wanted to write ‘It took me 10 years to see what I had done. Movies are particularly easy joint activities, as they require little conversation but open the door for time spent together. She screams and cusses and blames everyone for her mistakes. My estranged daughter, who doesn’t want to talk to me. If one thing doesn’t go her way she starts one of her tantrums. However, many teenagers cringe at the idea of experiencing therapy with a parent. The blog post went viral, generating more than a million 'likes' on Facebook and 30,000 email replies. Don't be pushy or overbearing. Family therapy allows for communication between parents and children and considers the whole family system. His wide set eyes and strong nose, most of his facial bone structure, actually, my stocky build and curly hair, her skin tone is pretty much right between mine and his. This was 7 years ago. It saddens me that some people don’t have the support of friends and family to help them through a mental health crisis. Her first episode was 30 months ago. Receive our weekly newsletter with the latest articles, media, and resources. My daughter is 25, suffering from schizophrenia and protected by the law to make all her own decisions. Even if you try your best to raise your children well, there may be some things that you do that cause your children to feel resentful toward you when they grow up. // Leaf Group Lifestyle, How to Handle Conflict Between Your Daughter in Law & Not Seeing Your Grandchild, How to Change My Wife's Mind About a Divorce, How to Act if Your Daughter's Boyfriend Is a Cheater, How to Deal With a Critical and Judgmental Sister, How to Deal With Adult Children Who Ignore You, Hodu.com: Strangers at the Table -- The Human Tragedy of Estranged Family Members. What can I do to get my daughter back? When that didn’t work, he called it a day. My grandfather is evil, he yells at me and my mom about little things and fights with my mom. She blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, especially in the last few years! Avoiding those is important in order to have a good and open relationship with your teenagers. This is usually after I don't let her do something or she comes home after curfew and gets in trouble. I feel that my son has been brainwashed or is mentally ill. Been in so many different relationships with men that only took advantage of her. Maintain a consistent dialog with your daughter about her feelings and thoughts on the situation. I am unashamed of my child; she is a creation of love. Let me first tell you that my daughter is going through a medical discharge from the army. My parents tried to stay in contact with me by phone. She have been mentally abusing me for years, but she still manages to give my sibling all the love and affection in the world. With my daughter it’s front and center. Since I've been here, my life has been nothing but hell. Engage. They don’t have the ability to empathise. Twitter. she tells me constantly when More she's 18 Ill never see her again. I hate my mother and she hates me. Now I will explain the matter. She will not visit me ever. Well, my son is severely mentally ill and my world is reduced to a very weird existence. An ill brain often cannot perceive itself, and this is a well-documented complication of some traumatic brain injuries, strokes or tumors in addition to severe mental illnesses. Enter your email below to get the very latest from YT - weekly updates, expert advice and insights, tips to keep you sane, and more. The worst thing they can possibly perceive is that you don’t care. So telling someone to stay in contact may backfire on you. My boyfriend spent a good half hour trying to get her to leave her room. My daughter hates him so much, I worry about what she might do to him the next time he hurts me. As a pregnant, mentally I’ll woman this article makes me sad. Anonymous. Call her or set up a lunch date at least once a week and ask her to explain her thoughts to you. You are not alone in the pain of missing your previously warm connection with your daughter, but it can feel isolating to see other close parent-teenager relationships. If you don't agree with statements that she makes about you, explain that you're sorry she feels the way she does and that you never meant to come across as unloving, impatient or controlling. If she likes art or science, maybe a trip to a local museum could be enjoyable. It's not that I have the classic daughter in law / mom in law issue here. She is also a submissions reviewer and grant writer for "Spout Press," an independent magazine in Minneapolis. I have a problem with my grown daughter that is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do! How did we get here?” There are a couple of behaviors or approaches to parenting teens that will drive the strings further apart. She has declared that she has to be the "mother" and I am the "child". I was shattered, physically, mentally, and emotionally when my adult daughter estranged herself and my two grandsons from me. My daughter is 14 years old, and was diagnosed for bipolar disorder with psychotic features when she was 11. Facebook. I am 65, and live near Fresno. If communication between you and your daughter does not improve, you may want to give her the option of either family or individual therapy. ok so my crazy daughter came out a week ago and told me and my wife that she is a man trapped in a woman's body or some crap and we told her to stop being stupid and then when my wife saw her news feed on Facebook and she had written it all over Fb and then we told her we were taking away her phone and that she was grounded until further notice and about half an hour ago my wife … She is too precious to throw her life away defending me. Now, she doesn’t like hugs, doesn’t want her space invaded, and I just don’t know her anymore. I think she just hates me. Be honest with yourself and your daughter about your flaws as a parent. But God would take me through a journey that would turn my thinking upside … She had turned to alcohol as a self-medication and that turned out badly. What can I do to get my daughter back? Parenting an adolescent, while exhilarating and rewarding, can also feel lonely and disheartening. You’ll want to find a therapist who specializes in teenagers and their development in order for therapy to feel most helpful for your family. She wants nothing to do with her dad and me, and now at age 16, it remains the same. Parenting an adolescent, while exhilarating and rewarding, can also feel lonely and disheartening. my daughter is 17 and is out of control. Accept the fact that your grown daughter has her own valid reasons for disliking you as a parent and that arguing with her or trying to tell her she's wrong to feel that way will only push her further away from you. "Yes, that bloody illness that is creeping up on so many, has targeted my daughter." You may want to come across laid back, but more often than not, it actually communicates disengagement. She and my grandsons are my only family. This is based on being diagnosed with mental health issues brought on by trauma while on duty. You may consider creating some non-negotiable family time during the week, in the form of low-stress, “easy” activities. But am left bewildered at this turn of events.